It's Light, or It's Dahk
Discussed in this post:
Light and Dark/Light and Heavy
Beer server helpfulness
Forest Gardens
On another day, we got talking about the language of beer, how to know what to order in bars, and navigating the middle path between beer snob and IODB:
Pete: My normal technique is to walk very slowly past the taps upon arrival at the lunch/dinner spot, and to pick out my beer. This avoids the awkward conversation that inevitably follows if I haven’t picked out my beer.
“‘Can you tell me your draft beers?”
After the litany of domestic macro brews, a pause, and then:
“Shipyard, Sebago, and Allagash”
Knowing that asking the obvious--which Sebago? Which Shipyard? Which Allagash?--will annoy my dining companions, who want to get on with it, and the waitstaff, who will be stumped, I’m now stumped: what to order with incomplete information?
I assume the Allagash is the White, and the Shipyard the Export--fine beers but not my thing. I order the Sebago, on the chance that it’ll be the potable Frye’s Leap IPA.
Jeff: I’ll do that slow walk, crane my head around searching for the tap handles or the draft list, even walk up to the bar and lean across it. But Meg asks me what they have, and she relies on me for beer evaluation sometimes. So I’m not afraid to ask the server “What do you have on draft?” or “What style is that Austin Street?”
Pete, on a roll now: Of course, I could’ve asked about the beers and received the standard, and virtually useless, description: “It’s light.”
What does that mean?
Does it mean it’s light in color? An Allagash Curieux (11% AB) is light in color.
Does it mean Light alcohol content, like a Guinness Stout (4.2%)?
Does it mean Light calorically? Like Miller Lite?
Does it mean flavorless? Like Coors Light?”
Jeff (cutting in): I got that sinking feeling recently in Georgia, when the tap handles had brewery names but no indication of the style. Georgia has some great craft beer, but it also has bars where the servers’ descriptions of beers stick to light and dark, light and heavy. Anyway, I asked the bartender to tell me about “that Southbound.” Without a word, she grabbed a small plastic cup and poured me a taste. Lager. If she’d told me that, I’d’ve asked about a different beer. Instead I ordered a pint of the Southbound lager. It was tasty.
Pete (reminiscing): Years ago, I went to the Forest Gardens, the iconic Portland landmark sports bar. They had a beer that was not Bud or Miller. I didn’t recognize it and asked the bartender about it.
“It’s Dahk” was the response, in a scathing tone that indicated I shouldn’t order it. I ordered it anyway and learned that in Forest Garden barkeep-speak “dark” means the beer sucks.
Many years before that I used to drink in the tiny, smoky little bar at the back end of Espo’s, on Congress Street. The bartender there informed every new customer: ‘No green bottles here, you gotta go down the Old Port for those.’ At the time, Heineken was considered an exotic beer choice. Now, of course, a beer dictionary comes in handy. We’ve strayed from the Bud-, Miller- or Green Bottle-only options.
Jeff: I was at Forest Gardens a couple weeks ago. They had Portland Pale Ale on tap for $5, and I wasn’t the only one drinking it.
The flip side of that server behavior is the bartender here in Portland who responded to “what’s that Bissell?” with “Bissell Brothers. They’re one of our local craft breweries, located right over on Thompson’s Point. It’s juicy and citrusy. Looks kind of like orange juice in the glass. A lot of people aren’t ready for that. They think there’s something wrong, but it’s supposed to be that way. It’s one of my favorites.” All he had to say was, “The Substance, an IPA.”
Pete: The little diagrams on the beer cans that indicate how bitter the beer is are helpful. A step beyond that is the International Bittering Unit (IBU) measure. The higher the IBU, the bitterer the beer.
Bitter is good.
My life is so sweet, I need bitter in my beer. And my coffee.